3 people from Bloomington

I spent about 9 months in Bloomington trying to make it as a real college student a number of years ago, and in all accounts it failed. It was simply a disaster, and while I don’t spend time reflecting on it, my thoughts lately have been wondering of three people I met down there. Sadly I don’t remember any of their names, but for at impact they had on my life I feel like telling their story. The interesting thing is they are connected somewhat.

Person #1:
When I first moved to Bloomington Star Wars Galaxies hit stores, man was I excited I love star wars and this game was chance to live out my nerd/geek fantasy of living in the Star Wars galaxy. While playing I met a guy in the game, he and I became fast friends, we would go on missions together, hook each other up with loot and things we needed for the game, set up a camp and just talk and more. He told me he was working on becoming a pilot; it was a dream of his, and he was well on his way to becoming one. As he became more and more involved in his studies we lost touch, I never found out if he made his dream come true or not.

Person #2:
When I wasn’t playing Galaxies, or attempting to learn something in class, I was at work. I met a lot of people at work including a guy who I would become roommates with and for a while my best friend down there. One guy I met I really hit it off with, we had a lot in common, and we always seem to have intelligent, constantly flowing conversations. We were both interested in computers, and gaming I mentioned I was playing Galaxies and if he played as well. He said he didn’t because he became obsessed with Everquest for a while and had no desire to go down that road as well. I had become addicted to Galaxies: a fact my roommate pointed out when I was making fun of people for playing it too much. I asked him about his addiction to Everquest and how he handled it, ‘I just stopped playing’ was his answer, and he urged me to the same: ‘just delete your account, uninstall it and move on’ and that is what I did, I didn’t miss it one bit. I told him of my victory over the game, and thanked him for his advice. We always had such good conversations, which was rare in a college town known mostly for its partying. I don’t remember if he was a student, I think he was a couple of years older than me, when I switched shifts I didn’t see that much, but I saw Person #3 who worked in the same department . It’s just one of those things you just wonder what the person is up to now.

Person #3:
This time it is a female, and like I mentioned before she worked in the department as Person #2. She was smart, pretty, witty, and was a bit of a nerd. We talked about life, relationships (at the time we both just got out of relationships), books, etc. I always sensed we had good chemistry but at the time I didn’t think she would be a good fit for me (now she would be great, but not when I was 20), so when a co-worker asked me about her I rudely replied back I felt comfortable talking to her right away we just had a good rapport (a lot like with Person #2 but this one had boobs), I think she was a couple of years older than me too, and me being 19-20 at the time I sometimes hard a hard time hiding my immaturity, but I think you will be hard pressed to find someone that age who didn’t. ‘I am not looking for anyone right now’, I never figured out if the co-worker asked me on her own, or did the other girl ask her to ask about it. Shortly after that things with my roommate went to hell and I moved out and back to Indianapolis rather abruptly, I think I said goodbye to her and maybe traded numbers but I don’t think I did anything with it.

I know I am feeling nostalgic about old times but these three people had an impact on my time there and I am just curious to see what they are up too, and what they have been doing. Just one of those stupid things, you know?

Maybe I will get lucky and one of them (or all 3) will see this and send me a message. Chances are they won't and thats OK, I just hope wherever they are the are happy.

Next post: Always the Boyscout. (that is unless i change my mind or forget to update this thing for another 6 months)

a moment of crisis... and then it was over.

I have been feeling extremely apathetic lately so if I actually finish writing this I consider it to be nothing short of a miracle.

I had a crisis moment last night, the kind of thing that would’ve spent me spending a chunk of the next morning texting friends asking if I could talk to them for pointless and hollow validation, and I was rehearsing what I was going to say to my dad on the car ride up to my grandparents today. I was feeling like all the books I have, all the countless hours I have spent filling my head with history, politics, facts etc, and the countless hours I have yet to spend filling my head with the before mentioned and many more things, have become useless and will fail to ever have a point. I went as far as to start looking off selling my collection of books and settle into a rut living, below mediocrity existence.

 It seems like I have nothing in common with my friends anymore, the only outlet I have for one if not the nerdiest hobbies, comics books, is the website I work on and the podcasts we do (which for the life of me I can’t quite grip why people want to listen to, but they do and I am grateful for that and also for the people I do the podcast and site with) but my love of history and politics etc has no outlet, my brain has just decided to give up trying to taken in new information: cause quite simply what is the point of it? I figured I should just give up and get rid of my books and collections, and just sit around and watch jersey shore, the Olympics, join the tea baggers, and hate Obama and support palin (I still won’t capitalize that) but never have any real reason why I do.

All of this of course would be impossible: The reason being and also why I brushed away the crisis moment is that I still want to know these things I am learning, who gives a shit about the fact nobody I know shares my love for this stuff, I am doing this all for myself and my own curiosity, plus someday I might meet someone who does share my love for these things.

I do feel compelled to also say, it has been quite some time since I have been truly excited about something, the last time was when I was dating a girl last month but that was over too quick for it to truly matter.  Don’t know I guess after the utter shit run of bad luck and problems I have been having for what seems for eons. Maybe it is just too much anticipation but I do feel things starting to build for the better, so I hope that is what happens, until then I just keeping trying to move forward: it may not be at the pace I want or I may not always go along with much care but I do keep moving forward.

a little closer to what i am looking for.

Things have been going well the last couple weeks or so, what seemed as an endless battle with my stomach and its problems have finally settled down, I have seemed to get a handle on it, I am not capable of handling what I used to, but that isn’t really a bad thing and I am ok with a change.

School started and I am pretty excited, I know I have a lot of work to do and there is a lot riding on the outcome of it all but I am not worried about it, maybe it is just arrogance talking but I think if I just do what I have to, I will get an A easily and start to move on to bigger and better things.

The website I work on is doing well my positive attitude lately has helped me get more things done with the site and the other two guys have done a lot of work as well.

And I have a new project coming up soon I am starting to work on, I don’t want to discuss it yet cause it’s just all talk right now but I am pretty pumped for it so stayed tuned for some cool news… well cool to me at least.

To me at least this is the busiest I have been in a while and for once I am enjoying it, I am focusing more on the positives and trying to fix the negatives rather than dwell on them. While there are many things I want to accomplish I am just doing the best I can and enjoying it for I know I have been in a bad place before, and there are people worse off than me. Even though I still feel I am finding my voice I feel pretty good about knowing I’m probably the closest I have been for a while. I will just continue to believe in karma and keep working towards being happy and trying to make the world better as much as I can.

Who we are might be predetermined. The path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never Never allow our fears or the expectations of others, to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can’t be changed but it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one

this seems to fit right about now... taken from the NCIS episode shown tonight. 

i have started 3 or 4 more entries but get writers block and just stop working on them... 

i have given up on this yet, it is just hard to write when you feel like you have little to say.  

What i somewhat have in common with a Batman Villian

On a another website i work on i had the honor of interviewing current Detective Comics writer Greg Rucka, it was a great interview i was nervous when we started but within seconds i felt at ease. We got on the topic of Batman villains and he offered his thoughts on The Penguin: He stated that The Penguin was smarter and actually able to defeat Batman, but because Penguin hates himself so much that he will always be the reason for his undoing.
Whoa... this hit home for me, for the next minutes i just sat there staring something on my desk not really focusing on what my colleague and Rucka where talking about it, i quickly realized and went back to my portion of the interview.

Everyone knows how frustrating it is to figure something out that is so obvious and right in front of you that you refuse to even acknowledge cause in your mind you have convinced yourself it is something much bigger and complicated...i did this a lot when i was computer tech, and i still do when looking at a computer problems, i have a theory why but i will get into that later... basically who doesn't love a good mystery.

Someone at work asked me the other day why i was so negative all the time, i brushed off the question and then followed it up by my typical sarcastic style and dropped it.

The truth being: I hate myself, i always knew i have and stood in my way because of it, but i guess hearing of a different example of someone (albeit a comic book character) that can do amazing things but in the end cause of his hatred for himself he fails...
So maybe if i allow myself to breathe and move forward i might make something of this life, i don't need to beat myself up for every little failure, it is ok to stumble from to time to time. Only then i can grow to like the person in this skin.