a moment of crisis... and then it was over.

I have been feeling extremely apathetic lately so if I actually finish writing this I consider it to be nothing short of a miracle.

I had a crisis moment last night, the kind of thing that would’ve spent me spending a chunk of the next morning texting friends asking if I could talk to them for pointless and hollow validation, and I was rehearsing what I was going to say to my dad on the car ride up to my grandparents today. I was feeling like all the books I have, all the countless hours I have spent filling my head with history, politics, facts etc, and the countless hours I have yet to spend filling my head with the before mentioned and many more things, have become useless and will fail to ever have a point. I went as far as to start looking off selling my collection of books and settle into a rut living, below mediocrity existence.

 It seems like I have nothing in common with my friends anymore, the only outlet I have for one if not the nerdiest hobbies, comics books, is the website I work on and the podcasts we do (which for the life of me I can’t quite grip why people want to listen to, but they do and I am grateful for that and also for the people I do the podcast and site with) but my love of history and politics etc has no outlet, my brain has just decided to give up trying to taken in new information: cause quite simply what is the point of it? I figured I should just give up and get rid of my books and collections, and just sit around and watch jersey shore, the Olympics, join the tea baggers, and hate Obama and support palin (I still won’t capitalize that) but never have any real reason why I do.

All of this of course would be impossible: The reason being and also why I brushed away the crisis moment is that I still want to know these things I am learning, who gives a shit about the fact nobody I know shares my love for this stuff, I am doing this all for myself and my own curiosity, plus someday I might meet someone who does share my love for these things.

I do feel compelled to also say, it has been quite some time since I have been truly excited about something, the last time was when I was dating a girl last month but that was over too quick for it to truly matter.  Don’t know I guess after the utter shit run of bad luck and problems I have been having for what seems for eons. Maybe it is just too much anticipation but I do feel things starting to build for the better, so I hope that is what happens, until then I just keeping trying to move forward: it may not be at the pace I want or I may not always go along with much care but I do keep moving forward.